• Vaughan Relationship Centre: Counselling to Empower.
Finding a relationship after a breakup

When you’ve experienced a breakup, you may want to hide out, stay in bed or be by yourself. There can be a blow to your happiness and self-confidence. The thought of ever finding love again can seem impossible, especially after enduring serious heartache and rejection.

With enough time, you can get back to feeling fabulous about yourself, and even open to loving once again. Here’s how to know when you’re ready to make that next step:

Take Time

Timing is often the secret ingredient. After a breakup, take the necessary time to go through the stages of grief. Allow yourself to wallow, to fume, to reminisce. Even when you feel ready to find love, do not rush into a new relationship. Take some time to be single and get to know yourself. Learn to identify what you want and need from a partner.

Learn from the Past

Relationships, whether good or bad, always allow us to learn and grow from them. So use the lessons from your previous relationships. Are you yourself in a relationship? Do you change your behaviour and standards to make someone else happy?  Were some of the complaints from your ex-partner valid, but too difficult to hear or understand while in the relationship, but you now see you could improve on these aspects?

We all need Connection

As human beings, we need to connect and be in the company of others. Before seeking out partner too quickly and running the risk of ending up in a relationship that is not right for you, connect with friends and family. Surround yourself with people who care for you. Allow them to remind you of your good attributes and the kind of partner you deserve to have in your life.  

Set Your Standards

Know what you want. Learn from the last relationship by understanding what qualities are really important to you in a partner, and ones that may have pointed to problems in your previous relationship. And most importantly, learn to say no. Never settle, but learn to compromise.

Be Open

After being hurt from another, you may be guarded and want to protect yourself.  Be open and willing when you meet new people. If you go out there with a smile on your face, but you’ve got walls up, it’s going to be difficult for anyone to see past that smile and connect with who you really are.

Give yourself time, ditch the façade, connect with those who love you and learn from the past.

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship of your life. Put it first, and your relationships with others will fall into place. Individual therapy can help you unlock the key to being you.