Sometimes, one partner wants to work on the relationship, while the other is unsure if there’s anything left to work on. That’s where discernment counselling comes in.
Whether you’re seeking clarity after betrayal, struggling with constant arguments, or just feeling like roommates, this process gives you the time and space to explore your next step with support, not pressure.
Discernment Counselling was developed by Dr. Bill Doherty to support couples where one partner is leaning out of the relationship and the other wants to save it.
Unlike traditional couples therapy (where both people are already committed to improving the relationship), discernment counselling creates a space to slow down and understand what’s really happening before making a final decision.
You’ll each meet separately with a trained couples therapist and come together for reflection. The goal isn’t to solve every problem. It’s to gain clarity, confidence, and compassion for whatever comes next.
In traditional couples therapy or marriage counselling, the goal is typically to strengthen the relationship. But what happens when one partner wants to work on things and the other isn’t sure if they want to stay? At Vaughan Relationship Centre, we often support couples in this very situation, where one person feels hopeful about rebuilding, and the other feels uncertain, ambivalent, or even hopeless that change is possible.
In these cases, discernment counselling is a better first step than jumping straight into therapy. Unlike regular couples counselling, discernment work helps each partner reflect on their own contributions to the relationship breakdown without pressure to “fix it” right away. This process supports greater clarity and confidence so that, if the couple decides to begin couples therapy, they’re both committed to the work ahead.
Discernment counselling can also help couples make an informed, respectful decision about separation when reconciliation is no longer possible, offering a compassionate alternative to reactive or high-conflict breakups.
The goal of Discernment Counselling is to get greater clarity and confidence in the decision for the future of your relationship based on a deeper understanding of what’s happened to the relationship and each person’s contribution to the problems.
Once a deeper understanding has been achieved, the paths are discussed in session:
It’s important to understand that Discernment Counselling is a commitment in time in and outside of sessions.
First Session – 75 Minutes (Online Only)
Second Session – 2 Hours
Additional Sessions – Up to 6 Total
Is this couples therapy?
No. Discernment counselling is a short-term, clarity-focused process designed to help you make a decision before starting couples therapy (or ending the relationship).
Can we do this if there’s been infidelity?
Yes — if the affair has ended. If it’s ongoing or just ended, we may suggest couples therapy or individual support first.
Is it online or in-person?
All sessions are conducted online for ease and flexibility. Many clients find this format more comfortable for the emotionally complex discussions that happen during discernment work.
What does it cost?
You’ll be charged your therapist’s standard hourly rate. Fees vary based on the therapist’s designation and experience. Contact us for a personalized quote.
Is it covered by insurance?
Most of our therapists are registered social workers or psychotherapists. You’ll receive a receipt you can submit to your provider. Let us know if you need anything specific for your reimbursement claim.
Discernment counseling is specifically designed for couples who are uncertain about the future of their relationship. It provides a structured environment to explore their feelings and options, whether to continue working on the relationship or to separate.
Deciding whether or not to stay married or get divorced is one of the most difficult and complex decisions most people ever have to make. It's agonizing. That's why so many people stay stuck in indecision purgatory for months, and sometimes even years. Making a decision is just too tough.
Contact us to set up your first appointment and learn new tools to repair your relationship.
