• Vaughan Relationship Centre: Counselling to Empower.
i don't know if i'm still in love with my spouse

Meeting someone and experiencing one exciting “first” after another with that person is an emotionally thrilling experience for most of us. The process of learning about your partner and getting more intimate over time is an electrifying phase in a relationship.

One of the most challenging things for many people is to maintain that same curiosity and enthusiasm they felt at the beginning of their partnership over the years. Many of our clients have tried a number of different ways to revive their love before they reach a point of asking themselves whether or not they are still actually in love with one another.

After guiding many of our clients through this state in their relationship, we have encountered the following list to be clear signs that you may have fallen out of love with your spouse:

  1. The ideal future image in your head is changing.

Remember when your relationship started and any possible version of your future was featuring your spouse in the leading role? When you start realizing that your dream future doesn’t even include your significant other on the sidelines, that’s a strong indicator that your heart may not be in it anymore.

  1. Quality time together is not the leader of your priority list anymore.

Do you live around each other rather than with each other? Is the time you spend together based on your daily routine and relationship chores? If you’re not excited to get home to see your partner, or you’re not craving quiet evenings alone together, that should make you wonder where your interests have shifted.

  1. The primary reason for you to be in this relationship is not love.

Ask yourself why you are together. If the kids, pets, or the mortgage come up before the love and joy your spouse adds to your life, you have probably already exited your partnership emotionally. If the only thing keeping you there is the uncertainty of being alone or the inconvenience of moving out, only the physical you is still in the relationship.

  1. You avoid intimacy.

For most people, physical intimacy is an expression of emotional connection. If you find yourself avoiding your partner’s initiatives or feeling smothered by some simple snuggling, you’re escaping the chance to engage and have removed yourself from that special circle that included just the two of you.

  1. Communication has become an obligation to you.

You used to want to talk about everything with your partner and you wanted to know every thought that crossed their mind in return. Everything mattered and nothing was too weird to share. Now you’d rather turn on the TV than engage in a conversation with your spouse. When your relationship quality starts to decline, verbal exchange, the quality of such, and the frequency also becomes less over time.

Like with most aspects in life, couples need to engage and invest to sustain the quality of the relationship. Over time, your relationship changes but that doesn’t need to be a bad thing. You just need to adjust to varying circumstances to ensure your connection and passion doesn’t get pushed to the sidelines. Practice the simple things like flirting like you used to in the beginning, laughing together, active listening, and working through challenges as allies for each other if you want to increase your odds of staying in love for the long run.

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