When a husband doesn’t want sex, as his partner it is all-too-easy to jump to conclusions: “he doesn’t find me attractive anymore. There must be someone else. He no longer loves me.” Due to the pervasive cultural myth that men always have sex on the mind, often only have sex on the mind, it can be dispiriting and confidence-shattering when your male partner is not interested in sex. This shouldn’t be the case. Here are some common reasons why men do not want to have sex:
Not Sex Objects
Just like women, men can decline sex for any reason with no justification or explanation needed. Some men have low libidos and do not feel the urge to have sex often. Other men have high libidos, and still can be disinterested in sex at any given time. You can be madly in love, find your partner wildly attractive, and still not want to have sex. A man does not need to explain himself, apologize, or go through with sex just to appease his partner, just as a woman would not be expected to do any of the above.
Anxious About Performance
Your partner may not want sex if he is anxious about performance or sexual dysfunction. Medical concerns such as erectile dysfunction, pre-mature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation can make sex embarrassing or strike a blow to your partner’s sexual confidence. If a man’s partner is not communicative about his/her desires or interests in the bedroom, this can also affect performance. Aging can also contribute to concerns about declining performance or declining physical appeal can affect confidence in the bedroom.
Affected by Outside Stressors
When you are experiencing heavy stress, everyday joys start to lose their appeal. Food doesn’t taste as good, your favourite TV show doesn’t make you laugh as much, and you may even deny yourself pleasures because you feel you’re not worthy. Stressors outside the bedroom such as work stress, money concerns, fatigue, and depression can affect a man’s sexual interests. Other side effects associated with stress such as weight gain, lack of exercise, and poor diet can also contribute to a lack of sexual desire.
It can be difficult for a male partner to want to be intimate when there are ongoing issues in the relationship. If there are communication problems, there is tension, or there is a big cloud hanging over your relationship, the desire for sex may evaporate. It is hard to go from fighting about money or chores to being intimate. Some couples use sex as a bargaining chip, and the male partner may no longer want to negotiate sex.
Don’t let these issues linger unspoken of. The first step is to sit down and have a conversation with your partner. Don’t make assumptions and don’t assign an explanation to something without first talking about it. Open, honest communication is essential for couples to understand what the other partner wants and needs, both inside and outside of the bedroom. Couples counselling can put these issues out in the open and help start a dialogue about your intimate life together.