The loss of intimacy in a relationship is more common than you may think, and that’s especially true with the increasing demands and stress placed on society today. More than ever, we are connected and consumed by the world around us, often not leaving much to offer mentally, emotionally, and physically when we arrive home to our loved one. Even a romantic trip away may not be enough to keep that flame ignited. But the reality is that intimacy changes and is different for every couple. It also means doing little things to make each other feel valued, special, and wanted in order to keep the spark and desire alive.
If you feel as though the spark in your relationship is beginning to dwindle, here are 5 reasons why you may be losing your intimacy.
You’ve Forgotten The Past
Getting over the ‘honeymoon’ phase alters a relationship for most people. As you begin to really understand and get to know your partner, many aspects of your relationship will shift and change. You must be willing to recognize this and work at accepting, compromising and growing together. But just because you grow and change, it doesn’t mean you should forget about the reasons that made you fall in love to begin with. As many couples grow, they often end up completely forgetting about their past. But by revisiting those old special memories when you first fell in love, it can allow you to recognize (and correct) current patterns that have developed and led you to grow apart slowly.
You Expect Love And Closeness Without Giving It
It may seem obvious that in order for a relationship to flourish and grow, it needs constant love, support, and attention. But far too many couples come to expect this without giving it themselves. A good, healthy relationship needs each of these ingredients from both partners. So if you feel that you may be losing your intimacy, it could be that you’re expecting love and intimacy without giving it. Remember, love and closeness need to be constantly nurtured and fed.
You’re Not Open And Honest With Each Other
If there’s something wrong with your relationship or something that bothers you, you can’t always expect your partner just to know what you’re upset about without actually telling them. Many couples enter into a troubling phase in large part, because they have stopped communicating with each other. Good communication means putting the phone down, removing blame and judgment, and just being open and honest. If it’s been a while since you both sat down and really talked and listened, make this your priority.
You Don’t Make Time For Your Relationship
Even with a crazy, hectic schedule, we always carve out the necessary time for any pressing matters like appointments with the dentist. Well, your relationship should be equally as important. Make time for each other by planning out date nights where you can get to know each other again. Go back to your favourite spot that you used to love, try new things together, and just get out and spend time together laughing, hugging, holding hands, feeling excited about something new, and remembering why you fell in love in the first place.
Your Partner Doesn’t Feel Wanted
How can intimacy survive if you or your partner doesn’t feel desirable and wanted? Many people need to feel emotional intimacy and also desired in order to really feel excited about their relationship. You can show your desire for your partner in simple ways like a little compliment, surprising them with romantic gestures and really listening to them.
There are many reasons why you may be losing your intimacy. When love and desire are in conflict, it’s time to pay attention and talk to each other in order to figure what it is that lead you down this road. Try to implement some of these tips before seeking guidance from a therapist. If you do feel the need for a therapist to guide you both in overcoming this challenge, reach out to us at Vaughan Relationship Centre. We’re here to help!